I really like how you’ve linked the stimulus to the display at the Tower of London. You have used a strong narrative voice in this piece and I feel like I already know something about your narrator. There also seems to be an interesting back-story to your writing and as a reader, I’m intrigued to know why the narrator is so disgruntled about having to go to England. Has she been treated unfairly or is she being irrational and throwing a tantrum? Good work, Hannah.
This is a really lovely piece of writing, Hannah. Your imagery instantly transported me back to the time that I visited the display at the Tower, and the massive sense of community and poignance that we all feel in times of remembrance. Try to read your work aloud to yourself as this will make it easier for you to spot where you need commas and other punctuation marks.
I love the details you used to describe the poppies.
I really like how you’ve linked the stimulus to the display at the Tower of London. You have used a strong narrative voice in this piece and I feel like I already know something about your narrator. There also seems to be an interesting back-story to your writing and as a reader, I’m intrigued to know why the narrator is so disgruntled about having to go to England. Has she been treated unfairly or is she being irrational and throwing a tantrum? Good work, Hannah.
This is a really lovely piece of writing, Hannah. Your imagery instantly transported me back to the time that I visited the display at the Tower, and the massive sense of community and poignance that we all feel in times of remembrance. Try to read your work aloud to yourself as this will make it easier for you to spot where you need commas and other punctuation marks.
Keep rising to the challenge!
Mr Hession, London.